I know

What broken feels like
When the body won’t work
When the heart hurts
When the soul cries out to make it all stop

The feeling of shattered pieces
The loneliness of living in an untouchable body
The rejection of my own flesh as, repulsed,
The soft parts sag off, trying not to touch the bones

Not wanting to continue living
Not wanting to die
Not knowing which one will win while
Not able to tell anyone my plan

The cruelty of time passing
The lives of others, lived without me
The days turn into years
The injury I can’t recover from

Dark nights alone in pain
Dark days pretending
Darkness always around the edges, ready to take me to
Darkness forever

I know

I could not walk so I crawled
I fell and crawled again
I failed and still continued
I worked and worked and cried and begged to be done

With God

Cursing the gifts given to me
Cursing the ripping away my ability to use them
Cursing the collection of broken pieces I had become
Cursing constantly at the ceiling

At God

The tenacity well runs deeper than we know
The soul can’t be crushed
The shadow will always run from
The light

From God

I am still here
I have decided to stay
I will forever be recovering, knowing just how much
I am broken and yet not, I am strong and yet forever carried

By God

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